Richard Armour
"Children are supposed to help hold a marriage together. They do this in a number of ways. For instance, they demand so much attention that a husband and wife, concentrating on their children, fail to notice each other's faults." - Richard Armour
Phyllis Diller
"Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your rest home." - Phyllis Diller
Joan Rivers -

"My obstetrician was so dumb that when I gave birth he forgot to cut the cord. For a year that kid followed me everywhere. It was like having a dog on a leash." -Joan Rivers